I think the blogosphere is a crazy place. On the outside, it seems almost quaint: people discovering (or re-discovering) the joys of journaling, sharing their thoughts and lives with others in one big, fun 6th Grade sleepover.
But dig just a little deeper, and the truth becomes evident. Secrets. Lies. Stalking. Sex and jealousy. Threats and intimidation. Confusion and doubt. This isn’t an innocent night swapping stories with your closest friends. This is hiding in plain sight, cloaked in supposed anonymity, living out loud and on the down low at the same time.
In the past week, I’ve been sucked into the darker side of the blogosphere, through no doing of my own. I’ve fielded comments that called rock-solid parts of my life into the fore, requiring no small amount of thought and reflection on just what I’m doing here, and why this little blog is important to me.
My first inclination, as always, was to focus on the downside, to color my judgment with a darkness normally reserved for those things and people I consider poison in my life. But that’s not who I really am, not who I really want to be. It’s the easy way out, to simply think that things are awful and that you’re a victim. It’s harder, but more rewarding, to maintain your trust and your sense of pride.
I know, I know…this isn’t a “feelings blog.” And I promise, tales of basketball games and links to humorous parodies will resume shortly. But for right now, it’s important for me to get this out: I’m good. No worries. The fear and doubt have subsided. I’m no fool, and won’t be made to look one. I was thrown for a loop, but it was the surprise that took me down, not what was behind it.
You pimp a strong hand but you’re working a weak one, you should know that I know it. You wanted me to fold, but I’m playing from strength and the up cards are all for me. You need to walk away, my friend, before I take you down.